is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
