Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
