office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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