Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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