I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
