and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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