So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
