I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
