Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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