One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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