So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
