i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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