Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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