is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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