Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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