hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
