i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My pussy is not your playground.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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