There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
