The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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