i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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