Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
