can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
