Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
