I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
