Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
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