we're blogging at a bar
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
