Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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