i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
