yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
