We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
