just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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