It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
