I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
