shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
