I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
