My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
