Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
