I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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