True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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