a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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