so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
