If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
