Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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