finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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