why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
