would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
