Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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