How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
