the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
