Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
