i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
