you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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