she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
