Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
