This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
