I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
