your parents love me but you hate me
she looked like the before picture.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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