how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
