he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
