I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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