What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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