well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
