walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
