I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
