my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
