It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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