I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
