My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
