I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
