Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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