i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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