I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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