This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
