I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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