it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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