Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
