question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
