be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
