i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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