I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
