One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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