Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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