Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
