Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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