That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
