I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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